When You Have to Be Your Own Encourager

Take Heart!

This weekend, I did something that matters to me. I wrote. I created audio chapters. I poured myself into a project that lives in my heart. Hours of focused work, creative energy flowing, words taking shape.

And then came the moment I didn’t expect. The moment when I finished and looked around for someone to celebrate with me. The moment when I realized I needed encouragement, and there was no one there to give it.

So I had to encourage myself.

The Reality We Don’t Talk About Enough

Here’s what I’ve learned about those moments when life gets really tough. You absolutely must know how to encourage yourself. Not because other people don’t care. Not because you’re alone in the world. But because sometimes the people who usually pour into you are fighting their own battles. Sometimes they’re not available. Sometimes the timing just doesn’t line up.

And if we’re being completely honest, it’s easy to drain the people around us when we’re desperate for encouragement. I know this because I’ve been on both sides of that equation. I’ve been the one reaching for support, and I’ve been the one whose tank was too empty to fill someone else’s cup.

What I Do When I Need Encouragement

When I feel that familiar ache for validation and no one’s around to give it, I try not to shut down. Shutting down feels safe in the moment, but it only makes things worse. Instead, I give my heart a rest from always trying to encourage others.

I stop.

I breathe.

I allow myself to remember why I’m important.

I remind myself why my life matters.

I acknowledge that the feelings and emotions that come with being overwhelmed will pass. They always do. They always have.

Just writing these words right now is encouraging my heart. There’s something powerful about naming what we need and then giving it to ourselves.

A Question That Changes Everything

Do you need encouragement and don’t know where to look? I understand that feeling more than you might imagine. I don’t have all the answers, but I do have a question that has helped me over and over again.

I ask myself this. What have I overcome before that seemed impossible?

This question is like a key that unlocks a door I didn’t realize was there. It helps me tap into my own resilience. It reminds me that I’ve survived 100% of my worst days. It shows me that I’m stronger than I feel in this moment.

When I was going through my divorce and everything felt impossible, I never imagined I’d be here today. Writing. Creating. Building something new from the ashes of what burned down.

I’ve been building a new life since becoming a single person who survived divorce and cancer. Rebuilding financially feels like climbing a mountain with rocks in my backpack, I can’t see how I’ll ever reach the top. But I will. Step by painful step.

When I went back to college at an age when most people are settling into their careers, I felt behind and inadequate. But I kept showing up. And that season taught me that it’s never too late to become who you’re meant to be.

Practical Ways to Encourage Yourself

Here are some things that work for me when I need to be my own cheerleader.

Remember your victories. Write them down if you need to. Every obstacle you’ve overcome, every hard season you’ve survived, every moment you chose to keep going when giving up felt easier. These are your credentials for the current challenge.

Speak to yourself like you’d speak to a friend. Would you tell your best friend that she’s not good enough? That her work doesn’t matter? That she should give up? No. You’d remind her of her strength, celebrate her efforts, and encourage her to keep going. Do that for yourself.

Take a break from pouring out. If you’re always the one encouraging others, it’s okay to step back and refill your own cup first. You can’t pour from an empty vessel.

Acknowledge your feelings without getting stuck in them. Yes, you’re overwhelmed. Yes, you need encouragement. Yes, this is hard. These feelings are valid, but they’re also temporary. Name them, honor them, and then remind yourself that they will pass.

Create something. For me, writing encourages my heart. For you, it might be music, art, cooking, gardening, or something else entirely. The act of creating reminds us that we have something to offer the world.

Look at how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. The journey behind you proves that you can handle the journey ahead.

The Truth About Seasons

Every season of crushing eventually gives way to a season of growth. Every valley leads to a mountain. Every night ends with morning. I know this not because I read it somewhere, but because I’ve lived it.

The feelings you’re experiencing right now, the overwhelming moments, the times when encouragement feels scarce, these are temporary. They don’t define you. They’re just the weather you’re walking through right now.

When You’re the Only One Cheering

Sometimes you have to throw yourself a party. Sometimes you have to be the only voice saying “you did good today.” Sometimes you have to celebrate your own wins because no one else understands what they cost you.

This isn’t settling for less than you deserve. This isn’t accepting a life where no one celebrates you. This is surviving the moments between support systems, the gaps when help doesn’t arrive on your timeline, the seasons when you’re growing in ways others can’t yet see.

And here’s what I’ve discovered. Learning to encourage yourself makes you stronger. It makes you less dependent on others’ opinions. It makes you more resilient when life gets hard. It teaches you that your worth isn’t determined by who’s cheering for you, it’s inherent in who you are and what you’re doing.

You’re Not Alone in This

If you’re reading this and you needed encouragement today, consider this mine to you. What you’re doing matters. Your life has value. The work you’re putting in, even when no one sees it, is building something that will last.

You’ve overcome impossible things before. The fact that you’re here, reading this, breathing, trying, means you’re still in the fight. That takes courage. That deserves recognition. That matters.

So when no one else is there to say it, say it to yourself. “I’m doing a good job. I’m making progress. I matter. This work matters. I’m going to keep going.”

Because you are, and you do, and you will.

Keep encouraging your own heart. The world needs what you’re building, even if it can’t see it yet.

Melissa Saulnier is an author and speaker who writes about transformation, resilience, and finding light in dark places. Visit BraveBeyondBreaking.com for more encouragement.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​